Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize