How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
