How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
