Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
