after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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