I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize