Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
