I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
