I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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