I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
