I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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