Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
