i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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