It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
