The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
