Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
