dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
