I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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