words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
