We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
