I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize