It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
