I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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