Just fell off a train. Bad.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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