I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
