dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
