At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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