is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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