she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
