when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
