I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
