I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
