Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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