So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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