onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
