She said her name was "party"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
