I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
