Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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