so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
