So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize