Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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