Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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