Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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