i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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