Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
