Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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