Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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