Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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