now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
