Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
