i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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