dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
