My nipple is on Facebook.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize