i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
