just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
