But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
