It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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