He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
