you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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