I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize