Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
and she was petting her beer can
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That accounts for only three of the penises
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
