i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
