it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she woke up with a sticky ear
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
