I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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