just come out here and I will go home with you...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
