Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
