I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize