Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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