just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
