My friends, they love my intelligence
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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