she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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