Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
