We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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