Cold hands, warm shart.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he was CRYING into my vagina
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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