I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
