is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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